


Low Heavy Skies

by Pline



Series: From The Ashes [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crew as Family, Friendship, M/M, People are noisy, Post-Star Trek Beyond, Protective Bones, Swearing, Tarsus IV, protective crew, the crew loves jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 22:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12663045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pline/pseuds/Pline
Summary: “I’ve been thinking about Tarsus IV.”“What about it?” Bones asks gently after Jim has remained silent for a few long minutes.“I’ve been wanting to contact the other eight.”.Jim has a very important decision to make and turns to the ones he loves for advice, but things don't go as planned and his most private secret gets exposed for the whole universe to scrutinize..(No need to read Family Of Choice to understand this.)





	Low Heavy Skies

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after Family Of Choice but you don't need to have read it to understand this, although this might sound a little OOC for certain aspects of Jim's character.
> 
> I have hesitated before posting this because Family Of Choice got so much great feedback, I didn't think I could top it, and I honestly don't think I did. I almost posted this separately but to me, the whole desire for Jim in this story to contact the other Tarsus Nine comes from all the work he has done on himself in Family Of Choice. I hope you will see as I do how much he has grown and I really liked writing this more mature Jim.

Jim is laying on his back, he is trying his best to regulate his breathing because Bones is asleep next to him with his head pressed against Jim’s heart. He confessed once that it helped him make sure Jim was still alive, still there.

It’s still dark outside but Jim hasn’t slept a wink. He hasn’t been able to stop thinking. 

They are on Earth again, at Bones’ family ranch where they met with all his numerous family members with whom Bones is actually now talking to again. It had been a painful process of forgiveness and resentment caused by the aftermath of David McCoy’s death. The man had begged his son to end his suffering and Bones had agreed, but the cure for the disease had been found merely months later.

Many people in the family, including Bones’ own mother, had had troubles accepting that piece of news, going as far as blaming him for killing his father.

However, in the past year, they have been trying to reconcile. It hasn’t been easy but they kept trying and now, here they are. All the family together, again, spending the week together for Bones’ shore leave.

Jim has been welcomed warmly by everyone, and he gets on like a house on fire with all the kids. And even if Joanna couldn’t come, Jim knows that the whole situation makes Bones happy, which, as a result, makes Jim happy as well.

“Go to sleep,” Bones grumbles, only half-awake but still managing to startle Jim.

He laughs softly, “How did you even know I wasn’t asleep?”

Bones’ reply is an incomprehensible grunt.

The sun is starting to rise, but it’s still very early and their room is almost pitch black. Yet, Bones’ eyes when they open shine more than any stars Jim has even seen.

“You’re a big sap,” Bones tells him when Jim voices his thought, but he’s blushing - a  delightful sight. “So why are you awake at the crack of dawn? During our last time on Earth for whoever knows long, mind you!”

Jim suddenly finds himself staring at the ceiling, unable to hold his lover’s supportive gaze.

“Hey. Look at me, kid. Everything okay?”

“I…” He swallows dry. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”

Bones does not tease, he can see how serious Jim is, he just puts his hand on the other’s arm, a silent gesture of comfort.

“I’ve been thinking about Tarsus IV.”

Bones’ heart squeezes painfully like it always does at that name. He wishes he could just erase all the pain Jim has suffered but he can’t, he can only be there for him and support him through anything that may hurt him, be it memories or future enemies.

“What about it?” he asks gently after Jim has remained silent for a few long minutes.

In a swift movement, Jim shifts so that they are both eye to eye, their legs instinctively become entangled and so do their fingers.

“I’ve been wanting to contact the other eight.”

The other eight.

Eight people and Jim. The infamous Tarsus Nine. Nine people who have survived Tarsus IV and its massacre, the only people who have seen Kodos the Executioner’s face and lived.

What horrors must have they witnessed?

Jim rarely talks about what he’s been through there, and when he does he never goes into the details, always glosses over the most painful memories.

“It’s just,” he continues, “I feel like I’m finally ready to face them again.”

“You could find them?”

“Yes. I know their names. It was important to know each other’s names, important stuff too. We didn’t know if we were gonna make it out alive, and even if just one did, we weren’t gonna be forgotten.”

He has never talked so openly about Tarsus IV before, and Bones does not know how he should feel about that. What is going on in that beautiful brain of his?

“Why now?”

“We almost died on Krall’s planet. We could have all died, many did die. We were so far away from the rest of the galaxy, so isolated. No one could hear us and come help us. I don’t know, for a while when we were separated and when I didn’t know if you’d all survived, I felt that same helplessness I felt on Tarsus. So that kinda took me back there for a second, I pushed it because we had to do our job, but aftewards… I could have just pushed it away like I always do, but I didn’t want to.”

Bones feels so proud of the man he has chosen to love, a man who has seen the worst of humanity and still chooses to see the best of it and defend it at the risk of his own life. A man who has lost almost everything he had but he still willing to give all he has left if it meant helping someone in need. A man who is finally learning to forgive himself and to face his demons in order to move on.

“I don’t know,” Jim says, a small sad smile on his lips. “I don’t want to die without seeing them again. For a long time, I never wanted to get any reminder of Tarsus. I wanted to leave it behind, but I’m coming to terms with the fact that’s not the way to go. Having you, having the crew, you all made me learn so much. I am a better man today because of you.”

“Jim, you were always a great man.”

He shakes his head, “Look, I’m just saying that I’m changing. I’ve changed. After Khan, and now after Krall, I’ve changed. I’m older too, and I like to think I’m wiser.”

“That might be going a little too far,” Bones mocks with a gentle smile.

Jim laughs, it sounds a little too much forced to be true.

“So what’s wrong then?”

Jim sighs. Of course Bones would know he wasn’t telling everything.

“They know my name too. I didn’t hide it. They must have heard of me, we made the news all over the galaxy several times now. So why haven’t they tried to contact me yet?” He looks lost, small even. “Maybe they’re all feeling better and I’m the only one still fucked-up over it. What if me going to them was just selfish? And it makes them remember all the atrocities and the pain? Hurting them is the last thing I want.”

“I don’t think you will,” Bones says honestly. “Maybe they feel the same way you do. What if they see you in the news and think, ‘Oh, he must be all okay now, he just saved a planet again.’ Have you thought of that?”

“But I’m not all okay!”

“They can’t know that. Besides, I don’t think they’re past it. You can never be truly past something like that. You learn to live with it, but you never forget it. You know that.”

Jim is silent again.

Slowly, the sun goes higher still in the morning sky, the birds joyfully, and Bones caresses Jim’s skin, a soft reassurance that he’s there, that he’s a support.

“I love you, Leonard McCoy.”

“I love you, James Kirk.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Over here!” Uhura waves as soon as she spots Jim entering the small coffee shop.

They smile at one another and, after a quick hug, they are soon seated in front of a hot cup of tea for her, coffee for him. The small salon they are at is almost empty, the only other client is a man wearing headphones and focused on a padd, and the staff member is nowhere to be seen. 

“So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” Uhura asks when the flow of mindless chatters slow to a halt.

“Can’t a captain just want to see how his favorite communications officer is doing?”

“Jim. I know you. What’s going on?”

He lets his smile drop. He looks out the window, they’re in a quiet part of San Francisco, away from the crowd and any unwanted attention.

“I wanted your opinion on a personal matter,” he says at last. “I’ve asked Bones already so I know what he thinks, but I’m still not sure what to do.”

“So you want my take on this?”

“Yes. Please.”

She takes his hand across the table. The fact that her opinion matters to him, especially on something that seems to affect him so deeply, means a lot to her. She needs him to understand that she’s grateful for his trust and friendship.

If his answering smile is anything to go by, he does.

“I won’t ask you for your discretion because I trust you. Still, I need you to understand how important this is to me. I’ve only told one person who didn’t already know. Not that long ago, I tried to think about it as little as possible because I wasn’t ready to come to terms with it. I’m still not, but it’s going there, you know.”

Everything in his posture screams his mixed desire to flee this conversation and to get through with it. Nyota sees all his nervous tells but she cannot do anything except listen to her friend.

“Recently,” he continues, “I’ve felt the need to do something but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. What if it’s just selfish of me and I just bring them pain? I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Bring who pain?” she asks.

He sighs, not looking at her. He takes his cup into his hand but does not drink from it, and Uhura can see his breathing is somewhat heavy. She wants to tell him that it’s going to be okay but she knows he needs the time to find the right words.

“When I was barely a teenager, I was put in a situation where I had to take care of other kids,” he starts, coffee forgotten but still unable to still, looking at her and then away, fumbling with his hands and his words. “The whole thing was just - it, well it wasn’t great, it was awful really. It was traumatic. And these, these kids, I haven’t seen them in so long and lately I’ve been wanting to see them again, talk to them and know what they’re doing, if they’re okay. And, I don’t know, I just think that maybe it’s not that good of an idea because what if they’re okay and I’m not and they see it and they feel bad for me, or worse they pity me, or they're disappointed you know? These kids, they deserve the best, you see, and me going to them because I miss them maybe just isn’t the best. And, I - okay.”

He stops, takes a deep breath and looks at her, full of intent and also desperate, like he’s waiting for her to have all these answers. She feels like she’s back on the Enterprise and they’re in a life and death situation and only her translation can bring the solution - except Jim would never show so much vulnerability on the bridge.

“Alright,” she says, “so from what I gather here you want to meet with some people from your childhood but you are hesitating because you are afraid.”

“I’m not afraid,” he protests.

“It’s okay if you are,” she does not smile but her eyes shine with compassion and understanding. “I mean, you obviously have been through a lot with them and you’re probably wondering how they would react if you contacted them. But Jim, you are a hero and a good friend, anyone would be grateful to have you in their lives.”

He snorts, clearly uncomfortable with the praise. He never does know what to say in this kind of situation.

“You know you can talk to me, right?” she asks.

“I know, I just don’t know if I can.”

“Then take all the time you need, and I’ll be here when and if you want to talk to me about it.”

Almost alone in that little café, with the sun shining warmly upon them through the windows and a calm music playing, Jim finds the strength to utter a sentence he has never said out loud.

“I am a Tarsus Nine.”

Uhura’s breath catches.

She had known that Jim was hiding something terrible about his past, she had guessed it from the years they small comments he made sometimes or the way he would stare off at nothing looking like a man who had been through too much, even back at the Academy and before everything else.

How does she wish she had been wrong! No one deserved that but certainly not James Kirk who has already endured so much. How much suffering can one person go through before they break?

She is feeling so much but she feels no pity for him, if nothing else she respects and admires him even more and she wishes she could tell him so. Yet, even her, the woman who knows all about language, she finds herself unable to speak. What can anyone say when one of their closest friend admits to being a survivor of the worst massacre of the century? Words simply aren’t enough. Still she must try, she must do her best to comfort him and show that this doesn’t  change anything and that she will always be there for him no matter what.

“What can I do?” she knows that Jim has always favored action over words.

He frowns, “You don’t look that much surprised.”

“I didn’t know, if that’s what you’re asking, but I’ve always expected something, just never  _ that. _ ”

Uhura is surprised to seem him smile.

“Sometimes I forget how observant and smart you are.”

“A terrible mistake on your part,” she jokes.

“Clearly.”

The world is still turning, the café is still as calm as ever, no new client has even entered since they arrived and the man sitting a few tables away is still as focused on his music and padd to care for their discussion. It feels good to be ignored, to grasp a sense of normality without being in space and saving worlds or being followed by journalists and fans throwing questions.

“You were speaking of the other Nines,” she realizes.

He nods, his eyes are bright and his lips red from biting them.

“Bones knows, I told him I was on Tarsus and he did the math,” Jim says suddenly. “I actually never told anyone I was a Nine. I’ve just realized, I’ve never said it out loud until now.”

“I’m honored that you would trust me with this,” and she means it. “Now that I know, I can tell you with all my heart: contact the others. I don’t know what you went through there together, but they’d want to hear from you. Trust me, you won’t hurt them.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

They smile, and for an instant, everything is fine.

* * *

 

 

Unknown to them, sitting just a few tables away, is a man whose headphones play nothing. A man who has listened to every word the two have said since they arrived.

A man who has recorded their entire conversation.

 

* * *

* * *

 

_ Breaking news: Captain James Kirk is one of the infamous Tarsus Nine. _

 

* * *

* * *

 

For a very long Terran week, there is no official statement from Kirk or from Starfleet. The universe is growing impatient. Is it true? What happened? How is this possible? How could they not know?

Silence is the loudest answer when no answer comes.

 

* * *

 

There is news that create ripples, and there is news that cause tsunami.

James Tiberius Kirk being the survivor of the worst massacre in recent human history and being, on top of that, one of the only nine people who can identify its perpetrator, this news is of the second kind, and no one can escape it.

Despite the many summons,  Jim Kirk has said nothing, and neither has any of his crew.

The hero of heroes, a victim of a genocide? It cannot be. It cannot.

Every time a crewmember of the Enterprise is spotted, they seem to dodge the many questions thrown their way and disappear before getting cornered, and the people are getting impatient. Some like to believe it was just a hoax but why wouldn’t anyone just deny if it was false?

 

* * *

 

Twice was James T. Kirk seen and twice confrontation was avoided thanks to strange events. The first time, as journalists were about to encircle him inside a Federation building, an unidentified person triggered the fire alarm, allowing Kirk to escape without a comment.

(Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott had smiled smugly at the journalists on his way out.)

The second time, while at Starfleet base to see the progress done on his starship, a wave of Enterprise red shirts seemingly appeared out of nowhere and conveniently blocked the way for journalists and curious alike to get to Jim Kirk.

Still, confrontation cannot be avoided forever and, one night, the word gets out that the senior crew of the Enterprise is enjoying a meal outside a small restaurant in Georgia. For the first time since the revelation, Captain Kirk has been sighted for longer than a few minutes.

The people from there don’t even glance twice at them, they know Kirk and they know McCoy and even if they’re curious, they won’t bother them. But they’re not alone and someone alerts the media because suddenly, a crowd of people rush to the terrace.

They have questions and they want them answered now.

The first people to arrive find James T. Kirk surrounded by his senior crew and talking. McCoy is sat at his lover’s left who looks somber. The other crew members are all wearing smiles - apart from Commander Spock who remains straight-faced as always - but it doesn’t take long to notice that they are all on edge yet trying to pretend they’re not.

Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu is the first one to spot the growing mass of people rapidly narrowing in on them, and he stands up, cold anger coloring his features. Kirk pales when he notices the crowd.

It’s already too late for them to escape the horde. Unless Kirk physically fights his way out through unarmed civilians, he is definitely trapped.

And the questions come.

“Is it true?” someone shouts.

“Are you a Tarsus Nine?”

“Is Kodos dead?”

“How old were you?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

The cacophony would be overwhelming for anyone, and Kirk looks nothing like the Federation hero, the famous captain. He looks like a scared man, haunted by the atrocities he has been forced upon. A man who has had his most horrendous secret exposed to the scrutiny of the whole universe, only for his trauma to be analyzed and commented on by strangers.

In that moment, cornered by inquisitive intruders, Kirk shows no bravado. His face is wan, his features tired and his eyes dark with resignation. He appears as a man who has given up fighting, the forlorn lamb willingly entering the slaughterhouse.

His friend have place themselves in front of him, as if a living shield for their weary captain.

Ensign Chekov shoves away a passerby who tries to get too close to Kirk, and Lieutenant Uhura stares down at anyone who dares make a move in Kirk’s direction.

It seems like everyone is yelling. The sharp edges of Lieutenant Commander Scott’s Scottish accent pierce through the clamor as he screams insanities at the crowd, he is the most agitated of the group but all of them are furious and screaming down at the people. Even Commander Spock betrays his calm demeanor with a harsh frown.

Jim Kirk has closed his eyes and his breathing has become labored, but the crowd is relentless and merciless. It keeps on growing and their questions never stop.

In just a couple of minutes, their evening went from calm to people screaming at them, demanding to know things they had no right to.

People are not paying enough attention to Dr McCoy. His green eyes are shining with hatred even though his hand is soft on his lover’s shoulder. He has his back turned to the crowd but he glares daggers at them. In that instant, he is both a protector and a warrior.

“I’ll take care of it,” he whispers to Jim and with one very soft kiss to the man’s forehead, he turns to the journalists and curious and takes a step.

“Fuck off and move,” he snaps at the first person he sees.

“Dr McCoy,” a journalist asks him then, “you knew about -”

“Let me stop you right here, you dipshit. I’m not answering any of your questions. As a matter of fact,” he puts his hands around his mouth and shouts, “everyone, shut up and listen!”

Maybe it’s because he’s a doctor and he's used to being listened to, maybe it’s because of the sheer hatred in his voice or the way he carries himself, but everyone stops talking.

“Y’all should be ashamed of yourself,” he spits the words as if they were a disease. “This man is a hero, he has saved all of you ungrateful fucks at least twice and you have the audacity to pry into his life like it’s nothing? He deserves respect like everyone else, you don’t have any rights to his past, you don’t get to demand answers to questions you should never have asked. Now I won’t ask this twice, get out of my way.”

No one moves, too stunned to react.

“Now!”

And so, without the word, the crowd parts. A few people look away in shame. It doesn’t last long though, their curiosity takes the better of them and they’re throwing questions again. It doesn’t matter, the crew of the Enterprise can leave and they do so without looking back.

* * *

 

 

No one else will know this, but this is what happens when James Kirk and his crew are alone together, when they finally can just be.

Their shuttle is silent for the whole ride back and their captain won’t look at them.

As soon as they arrive at the McCoy’s ranch, Jim jolts out the shuttle, followed by his friends, but he halts only a few feet away. His back is turned to them, they can see his fists are clenched and that he’s shivering. 

His senior crew is behind him, as always ready to back him up. Bones’ face is crumbled from seeing his lover in such a state and who shies away from his comfort. No one know how to react, what can one say faced with such unfairness?

Jim laughs, stunning them.

“Jim?” Bones asks, the name is question enough.

“Thank you, all of you,” Jim says and, at last, he turns to them. He has cried, tears are still visible at the corner of his eyes but his big dazzled smile is sincere “You didn’t have to take such a hard stance. Gosh, tomorrow we’ll have Starfleet on our asses about how to interact properly with the press.”

Scotty snorts and Sulu sighs in relief. They are all glad to see Jim holding up, they haven’t talked about Tarsus together. They all came without taking a decision to do so, they only wanted to be there for their friend.

“Shut up, of course we had to,” Uhura shoots back with a smile.

“They were noisy bastards anyway,” Scotty adds and the others agree loudly.

“Shall we head to the kitchen? None of us had the opportunity of eating their dessert after all.”

Spock’s offer gather everyone’s approval and soon they have all left Jim and Bones behind to have a moment of discretion.

Wordlessly, Bones puts his arms around his lover who collapses in the embrace, letting his feelings show.

“This is so fucked up,” Jim whispers, “why do they care? I just wanna be left alone.”

“It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Jim nods, he knows that but his heart won’t stop beating too fast and his hands won’t stop trembling.

“They won’t understand what it’s like. I wish they’d never known.”

“I’m sorry, darling,” Bones says. “But I’m here, your friends are here, you’re not alone. You will never have to face anything alone ever again.”

It’s a promise he does not intend to break.

“Come on, let’s go meet the others before they grow too impatient,” Jim jokes and it almost sounds right.

Bones smiles at him, “I am so proud of you. You are the strongest, bravest person I have ever met.”

“I never even had the chance to talk to the eight,” Jim says absent-mindedly. “I wonder what they’ll think of this whole mess.”

“They know it’s not your fault, Jim. You couldn’t have known.”

They find their friends sitting in the garden, dessert seemingly forgotten as they talk and laugh loudly.

“What you said earlier,” Jim says. “I don’t care about being a hero. As long as I’ve got all of you, I’m good.”

“Hey, lovebirds! Come join us already!” Sulu calls out.

A true smile blossoms on Jim’s face, reflected by Bones. Whatever hardship life throws at them, they’ll face it together, as a family.

The future is uncertain, but that’s something they can all be certain about.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I hoped you all liked this. Don't forget reviews are the best thing a writer can ask for!
> 
> You're probably disappointed because we do not see the other eight in this story, I almost did but I thought it would be too much here.
> 
> If some want, I'll probably write a follow-up where Jim finally meets them again after all this time. I might even add Kodos in that hmmm
> 
> Anyway, thank you all so much for reading!! These notes are getting really long haha
> 
> See you soon maybe ;)
> 
> PS: I'm also really glad because I've had a really bad case of writer's block and this is the only thing I have finished in at least three months... Hoping I stay inspired!


End file.
